# Dating Patterns

> Plain-language explainers on why dating repeats, built from published research. Every article lists its sources and the date it was last checked.

Dating Patterns explains the recurring ways people choose, react and leave in dating, and why those patterns can survive a change of partner.
We write from published research and named experts, show our sources on every page, and update articles when the evidence changes.
Dating Patterns is published by BUMIS, an app for your dating life (not a dating app). It is general information, not therapy or medical advice.

Publisher: BUMIS (https://getbumis.com). BUMIS: Your Dating Mirror. Not a dating app, an app for your dating life.
Every article lists its sources, author, publish date and last-updated date. General information, not therapy or professional advice.

## Articles

- [Why did they leave me on read?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/why-did-they-leave-me-on-read/): A read receipt shows that a message was opened, not why it wasn't answered, and most reasons are ordinary. The pain comes from the gap itself: research on waiting, uncertainty and rejection suggests the mind tends to fill an unexplained silence with its most threatening reading, so name the fact, notice the story, and ask once. (Texting, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Is it a trauma bond or love?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/trauma-bond-or-love/): 'Trauma bond' describes a strong pull toward someone that grows out of a cycle of harm and relief with an imbalance of power. It's a description, not a diagnosis, and no article can tell you whether you're in one. If you feel afraid of someone, start with support, not with labels. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-05)
- [Why do I lose interest when someone likes me back?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/why-i-pull-away-when-someone-likes-me/): Often it's closeness arriving faster than you're comfortable with, not a verdict on the person. If the cooling shows up at the same point with different people, and right after they show interest, treat it as a pattern to check before you act on it. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-05)
- [How do I know if I'm being emotionally manipulated?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/how-to-know-if-youre-being-manipulated/): Everyone tries to influence a partner, so one guilt trip or one cold evening proves very little. Researchers look for a pattern: influence that works by making you doubt your own memory, punishing disagreement, or slowly shrinking your choices, and whether you feel less free or more afraid over time. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Is it love bombing or genuine interest?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/love-bombing-or-genuine-interest/): Early intensity alone can't tell you, because real interest and love bombing both start out warm and fast. What separates them shows up over weeks: whether the pace makes room for yours, how they take a small no, and whether the attention starts to come with conditions. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Am I being controlling or are they?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/am-i-being-controlling-or-are-they/): Researchers separate ordinary conflict from coercive control with three questions, not by who feels controlled: is it a pattern, is anyone afraid, and is anyone's freedom shrinking? If the honest answer points at you, there is a respectful way to change. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-03)
- [Is my relationship toxic?](https://datingpatterns.com/research/is-my-relationship-toxic/): 'Toxic' isn't a clinical term, so no quiz can answer it. Researchers measure specific behaviors instead, such as insults, humiliation, monitoring, controlling and threats, and the most useful question is whether those are happening to you and whether you feel afraid. (Research, updated 2026-10-03)
- [How do I set boundaries without pushing someone away?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/set-boundaries-without-pushing-them-away/): Treat a boundary as something you will do, not a rule for the other person, and say it directly with what you still want. Research on closeness suggests that honest disclosure builds intimacy, while quietly avoiding the topic tends to wear a relationship down. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-03)
- [How do I stop people pleasing in relationships?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/how-to-stop-people-pleasing/): Start by checking the motive behind a yes, not the yes itself. Kindness gives because it wants to; pleasing gives to avoid a bad reaction, and research links that second kind of giving to lower well-being and weaker relationships over time. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-03)
- [Am I settling?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/am-i-settling/): Not if your partner falls short of an imagined ideal; almost everyone's does. Settling is better described as staying because you fear the alternative, while the things you actually need (warmth, trust, being treated well) go missing. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [How do I know they're the one?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/how-do-i-know-theyre-the-one/): Usually you don't, at least not as a single feeling of certainty, and the research suggests that feeling is not what predicts a lasting relationship anyway. What tends to predict it is commitment, love and closeness built over time, plus how the two of you handle the parts that don't fit. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [How do I know when to break up?](https://datingpatterns.com/brutal-breakup/how-to-know-when-to-break-up/): No study can make the call for you, but research can make the decision clearer: sort the reasons that are about the future from the ones about what you've already spent, notice how long you've been on the fence, and know that regret runs in both directions. (Brutal breakup, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why can't I move on?](https://datingpatterns.com/brutal-breakup/why-cant-i-move-on/): Often because the breakup is still an unfinished story: you can't explain why it ended, you're not sure who you are without them, or contact keeps the last chapter open. Research points to making sense of it and rebuilding the self as the parts that let it close. (Brutal breakup, updated 2026-10-01)
- [How do I stop being jealous?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/how-to-stop-being-jealous/): You probably can't stop the pang, and research suggests you don't need to. What you can change is what happens next: the replaying, the cold silence, the sharp joke. Catch the loop early and say the feeling plainly, and jealousy loses most of its power to do damage. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why am I jealous?](https://datingpatterns.com/research/why-you-get-jealous/): Usually because something you value feels threatened: the bond itself, your sense of being enough, or both at once. Researchers find that jealousy shows up as early as infancy, rises with threats to self-esteem, and runs higher in people with anxious attachment. They also separate the feeling, which is common, from suspicion, which is a different thing. (Research, updated 2026-10-02)
- [How do I stop being afraid of abandonment?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/can-fear-of-abandonment-change/): The research answer is that this fear, which psychologists measure as attachment anxiety, is moderately stable but not fixed. It shifts with major life experiences, with partners who back you consistently over time, and with therapy, and the change usually comes over months rather than in a breakthrough. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [How do I stop overthinking in a relationship?](https://datingpatterns.com/hidden-stress/how-to-stop-overthinking-your-relationship/): Not by thinking harder. Research separates repetitive thinking that solves something from rumination that circles, and the circling kind tends to make decisions harder. The fix is to turn the loop into one concrete question, give the worry a set time, and act on what's actually in front of you. (Hidden stress, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Are they losing interest?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/are-they-losing-interest/): Look for a drop in effort that holds for weeks: fewer plans they start, less follow-through, less curiosity, less talk about a shared future. Research on commitment suggests those are the signals that track where a relationship is going, while one off night, one flat mood or your own worry are the things anxious minds tend to over-weight. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why are they acting distant?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/why-are-they-acting-distant/): Distance has more possible causes than most people run through: stress spilling over from somewhere else, pulling back from a conflict, low mood or depression, a need for more room, an old hurt, and sometimes fading interest. You can't tell which by watching harder. You find out by asking in a way that's easy to answer honestly. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Do they really love me?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/do-they-really-love-me/): Nobody outside your relationship can answer that, and their words alone rarely settle it for long. What you can read is what they do over months: whether they respond when you bring them something, good or bad, and whether the showing up holds steady when nothing is at stake. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Why do I feel insecure in my relationship?](https://datingpatterns.com/hidden-stress/why-you-feel-insecure-in-your-relationship/): Insecurity usually has two sources talking at once: your history, meaning what earlier relationships and your own self-doubt taught you to expect, and current signals, meaning what this partner actually does. The work is telling the two apart, because each one calls for a different response. (Hidden stress, updated 2026-10-02)
- [How do attachment styles shape fights over text?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/attachment-styles-in-text-fights/): In a text fight, higher attachment anxiety tends to turn the volume up (more messages, faster, more urgent) and higher avoidance tends to turn it down (short replies, logistics, silence). The research says text isn't automatically worse for conflict; what helps is a named pause, a softer opening and a deliberate switch of channel. (Texting, updated 2026-10-02)
- [How do I stop overanalyzing read receipts and reply times?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/stop-checking-read-receipts/): Treat the checking as a habit to break, not a mystery to solve. Each look at a read receipt, a typing bubble or a last-active time gives a tiny hit of information that almost never answers the real question, and research on repeated checking suggests that doing it more makes you feel less sure, not more. (Texting, updated 2026-10-02)
- [What does secure texting look like?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/what-secure-texting-looks-like/): Secure texting is a set of habits, not a speed: replies the other person can roughly predict, needs said directly, warmth without constant proof, and gaps read in context. The research says the match between two people's habits matters more than how much either of them texts. (Texting, updated 2026-10-02)
- [What does the anxious-avoidant trap look like over text?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/anxious-avoidant-trap-over-text/): Usually one person texts more, faster and with more feeling while the other replies slower, shorter and more practically, and each move makes the other's next move stronger. Studies of real texting habits back the shape of the loop, but none of them can diagnose a person from a reply time. (Texting, updated 2026-10-02)
- [How do I know if they're lying?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-lying/): Usually not from their face, their eyes or a pause, which decades of research show are weak clues. Lies tend to surface through information that doesn't fit, gathered over time, so a story that keeps changing tells you more than one nervous moment ever will. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [How long should I wait before I worry about a reply?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/how-long-to-wait-for-a-reply/): Use their usual pace as the ruler, not the clock. One slow reply is weak evidence; a reply far outside their normal range, or a pace that stays slower for a week or more, is worth one calm question. (Texting, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Why do I overthink texts?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/why-you-overthink-texts/): Because a text carries high stakes and very little information, and a worried mind fills the gap with the worst reading instead of the likeliest one. Overthinking feels like problem solving, but it is a loop that runs on uncertainty, not on new facts. (Texting, updated 2026-10-01)
- [How do I trust my partner again?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/how-to-trust-your-partner-again/): Trust comes back from a long run of kept promises and honest repair, not from one big conversation. If the break involved a lie, expect the road to be longer than you'd like, and judge it by what changes over months, not by how sorry they sound. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Should I stay after cheating?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/should-you-stay-after-cheating/): Research says couples can recover from infidelity, and the ones who do usually have the affair fully out in the open and both people doing the repair. You don't have to decide this week. Separate what you know from what you fear, protect your health, and give the decision a timeline instead of a deadline. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Is it anxiety or intuition?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/anxiety-or-intuition/): Intuition usually points at something specific you saw or heard and gets clearer when you look closer. Anxiety tends to be vague, shows up no matter who you're with, and gets louder when you try to pin it down. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-01)
- [What is relationship anxiety?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/what-is-relationship-anxiety/): Relationship anxiety is persistent worry about whether a relationship is safe: whether your partner really cares, whether they'll leave, or whether this is even right. It's common and workable, and it only becomes a clinical question when it's constant, consuming or getting in the way of your life. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why do I need so much reassurance?](https://datingpatterns.com/hidden-stress/why-you-need-so-much-reassurance/): Usually because not knowing feels unbearable, and reassurance is the fastest way to make it stop. The catch is that the relief fades, so you ask again. The way out is learning to sit with a little uncertainty and asking for what you need directly, not as a test. (Hidden stress, updated 2026-10-01)
- [Why do I reread their texts so many times?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/why-you-reread-their-texts/): Because a text strips out tone, and an uncertain mind hates a blank. Rereading feels like it will find the answer, but research on uncertainty, rumination and reassurance seeking suggests the loop mostly feeds the worry it is trying to settle. (Texting, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why do I keep ending up with people who pull away?](https://datingpatterns.com/patterns/why-you-keep-ending-up-with-people-who-pull-away/): It is rarely just bad luck. Research on attachment points to a loop: people who worry about closeness and people who back away from it tend to find each other, and chasing usually makes the backing away worse. (Patterns, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why did they stop texting after things were going well?](https://datingpatterns.com/texting/why-did-they-stop-texting/): Usually because their interest, energy or circumstances shifted and they chose the exit that skips an awkward conversation. Research on ghosting points to low commitment and conflict avoidance far more often than to anything you did in a single message. (Texting, updated 2026-10-02)
- [Why can a breakup feel like withdrawal?](https://datingpatterns.com/brutal-breakup/why-a-breakup-can-feel-like-withdrawal/): Because, for many people, it partly works like one: brain imaging links romantic rejection to reward and craving systems, which helps explain the pull to check, replay and reach out. The same research has better news, too. Distress tends to fade faster than people predict, and some habits ease the pull while others feed it. (Brutal breakup, updated 2026-10-03)

## By the numbers

- 30% of U.S. adults have ever used a dating site or app. Source: Pew Research Center, The who, where and why of online dating in the U.S. (2023; 6,034 U.S. adults, July 2022): https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/the-who-where-and-why-of-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
- 39% of U.S. singles have used AI somewhere in their dating lives, most often for messages and profiles. Source: Kinsey Institute and Match, Singles in America, 15th annual Singles in America study (2026; About 5,000 U.S. singles): https://mtch.com/news/match-unveils-15th-annual-singles-in-america-study/
- 78% of recent dating app users have felt burned out by the apps at least sometimes. Source: Forbes Health and OnePoll, Dating app burnout survey (2024; 1,000 U.S. adults who used a dating app in the past year): https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/
- 1 in 3 unmarried adults ages 22 to 35 are actively dating. Source: Wheatley Institute and Institute for Family Studies, The Dating Recession (State of Our Unions 2026) (2026; 5,275 unmarried U.S. adults ages 22 to 35): https://wheatley.byu.edu/0000019c-4505-d61f-a3dc-dd478a270001/datingrecession-pdf

## Further reading (other publishers)

Hand-picked outside sources we point readers to. Linked, not copied.

- [Heartbroken? There's a scientific reason why breaking up feels so rotten](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/02/01/1077235872/heartbroken-theres-a-scientific-reason-why-breaking-up-feels-so-rotten): NPR, 2022. Explains why a breakup can throw off sleep, appetite and mood, and why the pain is physical as well as emotional.
- [The power and prevalence of loneliness](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-power-and-prevalence-of-loneliness-2017011310977): Harvard Health Publishing, 2017. A short medical overview of how common loneliness is and why it matters for both mental and physical health.
- [Chemistry Between People: A Sum of Their Connections](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/chemistry-relationships): Association for Psychological Science. Shows that chemistry grows out of how two people interact over time, not out of a checklist of traits.
- [It's complicated: Our relationship with texting](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2018/08/relationship-texting): American Psychological Association, 2018. Research findings on how texting habits relate to how close and satisfied people feel with a partner.
- [Situationships: What They Are and 5 Signs You're In One](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-a-situationship): Cleveland Clinic. A clear definition of the undefined relationship, the signs you are in one, and what the ambiguity costs you.
- [Dating and relationships: Key findings on views and experiences in the US](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/08/20/key-takeaways-on-americans-views-of-and-experiences-with-dating-and-relationships/): Pew Research Center, 2020. National survey data on how Americans see dating today, including why many singles say it has gotten harder.
- [The full list, by topic](https://datingpatterns.com/reading/)

## Tools

- [8-question dating pattern check](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/): runs in the browser, stores nothing, returns one of 9 public pattern cards.
- [Full Speed](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/full-speed/): You feel it early and you let yourself run with it.
- [Slow Burn](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/slow-burn/): You wait until you are sure, and you are rarely sure early.
- [Clear Sky](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/clear-sky/): Not knowing where you stand is the hardest part for you.
- [Open Ended](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/open-ended/): You are comfortable letting things stay undefined.
- [Home Pull](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/home-pull/): You are drawn to a feeling you already know.
- [New Horizon](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/new-horizon/): You go looking for something different each time.
- [Long Goodbye](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/long-goodbye/): You stay past the point where it stopped working.
- [Clean Break](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/clean-break/): When it is over, you are gone.
- [Even Keel](https://datingpatterns.com/quiz/even-keel/): No single lean stands out in your answers.

## Trending Experts

Outside voices we point readers to, with their videos. Each video entry is a short description from its public YouTube listing, not a transcript; follow the link for the full talk. We do not host or reproduce the videos.

### Alexandra H. Solomon

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: Relational self awareness, dating and building lasting relationships, drawn from her couples work and her Northwestern course.
- Credential: Licensed clinical psychologist; adjunct professor, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University (https://sesp.northwestern.edu/people/faculty/alexandra-solomon.html)
- Profiles: Instagram @dr.alexandra.solomon (https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/)
- Video: [Relational Self-Awareness: The Key to Navigating Modern Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrfMyci15ME): Solomon explains relational self-awareness and argues that modern relationships no longer follow a set script, so partners have to understand their own patterns.
- Video: [Loving Bravely: How Self Discovery Can Transform Your Relationship](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my24a9dGrcE): Podcast episode on how self-discovery can change a relationship, drawn from her book Loving Bravely.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Bella DePaulo

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: Research and writing on single life, including people who choose to stay single and live full lives on their own terms.
- Credential: Social psychologist (PhD, Harvard); academic affiliate, Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences, UC Santa Barbara (https://news.ucsb.edu/2024/021352/embracing-single-life-love-intimacy-and-family-beyond-couple)
- Profiles: X @belladepaulo (https://x.com/belladepaulo)
- Video: [What no one ever told you about people who are single (TEDx)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyZysfafOAs): TEDx talk (about 18 minutes) challenging common myths about single people and how they live.
- Video: [Bella DePaulo, shattering myths about single people, London, 2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgF3YKW5Qa0): Talk at a London festival on what being single really means, built around myths and the research against them.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Blaine Anderson

- Label: Trending voice
- Focus: Dating coach for men who talks about dating app profiles, first dates, and how women experience modern dating.
- Profiles: Instagram @datingbyblaine (https://www.instagram.com/datingbyblaine/); TikTok @datingbyblaine (https://www.tiktok.com/@datingbyblaine)
- Video: [Blaine Anderson (Dating Coach) on TYSO, #318](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1D3jjDPbRk): Podcast interview with dating coach Blaine Anderson about modern dating for men.
- Video: [The Dating Episode Every Single Girl Needs with Blaine Anderson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy-JWzcuQvg): Podcast episode on common mistakes in dating, from a coach who works with men.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Eli J. Finkel

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: Research on how modern marriage and long term relationships work, and what partners expect from each other.
- Credential: Professor of Psychology and of Management and Organizations, Northwestern University; director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab (https://www.kellogg.northwestern.edu/faculty/directory/finkel_eli/)
- Profiles: X @EliJFinkel (https://x.com/EliJFinkel)
- Video: [The All-or-Nothing Marriage (TEDx)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtOwmeZFASE): TEDx talk on his book The All-or-Nothing Marriage, arguing that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of the past.
- Video: [Reaching the Summit: The Challenges & Possibilities of Modern Love with Dr. Eli Finkel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xU-yyX18dM): Conversation on what modern love asks of couples and how relationships can reach their best.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Esther Perel

- Label: Trending voice
- Focus: Desire, infidelity and the tensions inside long term relationships, often through real couples sessions on her podcast.
- Profiles: Instagram @estherperelofficial (https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial/); TikTok @estherperel_official (https://www.tiktok.com/@estherperel_official)
- Video: [Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q): Perel's 2015 TED talk on why people cheat, what affairs mean, and how couples can recover.
- Video: [The secret to desire in a long-term relationship](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw9n6GkgHI4): TED talk on why we expect one partner to be both best friend and erotic partner, and how desire survives a long relationship.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Julie Menanno

- Label: Credentialed source, Trending voice
- Focus: How couples get stuck in conflict cycles and how to feel secure with a partner.
- Credential: Licensed marriage and family therapist (MA, LMFT, LCPC); author of Secure Love (https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Secure-Love/Julie-Menanno/9781668012888)
- Profiles: Instagram @thesecurerelationship (https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/); TikTok @thesecurerelationship (https://www.tiktok.com/@thesecurerelationship)
- Video: [The Secrets to SECURE LOVE with expert Julie Menanno](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHCm5O7P-Q0): Interview on handling conflict and building lasting closeness, from her book Secure Love.
- Video: [Building Secure Love: Transforming Attachment Patterns with Therapist Julie Menanno](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAn7LnsM0oQ): Conversation on how couples can change insecure attachment patterns.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Justin J. Lehmiller

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: Research on sex, desire, casual relationships and friends with benefits.
- Credential: Social psychologist (PhD, Purdue); Senior Research Fellow, The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University (https://kinseyinstitute.org/about/staff/index.html)
- Profiles: Instagram @justinjlehmiller (https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/); X @JustinLehmiller (https://x.com/JustinLehmiller)
- Video: [10 Questions About Sex](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMHovh-1B_Q): Lehmiller answers reader questions from his Sex and Psychology blog with what the research says.
- Video: [The Science of Sexual Fantasies with Justin Lehmiller](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2watIpG02to): Podcast conversation about his large survey of sexual fantasies and his book Tell Me What You Want.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Kate Anthony

- Label: Trending voice
- Focus: Coaching and podcast conversations for women deciding whether to stay in or leave a marriage, and rebuilding life after divorce.
- Profiles: Instagram @thedivorcesurvivalguide (https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide/); TikTok @thedivorcesurvivalguide (https://www.tiktok.com/@thedivorcesurvivalguide)
- Video: [Kate Anthony: Your Divorce Survival Guide - Should I Stay or Should I Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RpU92y0wxw): Conversation on deciding whether to stay in or leave a marriage.
- Video: [WE NEED TO TALK: How to Have the Most Difficult Conversation of Your Life with Kate Anthony](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_XBV9r4uT0): Episode on how to tell a spouse you want a divorce.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Lori Gottlieb

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: What happens in the therapy room, including breakups, dating choices and the stories people tell about love.
- Credential: Psychotherapist; author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and The Atlantic's Dear Therapist column (https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/239394/lori-gottlieb/)
- Profiles: Instagram @lorigottlieb_author (https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/)
- Video: [How changing your story can change your life (TED)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_MQr4lHm0c): TED talk by the psychotherapist on how the stories we tell about our lives can keep us stuck, and how editing them helps.
- Video: [Maybe You Should Talk to Someone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQIg6KBfqic): Talk on her book about being a therapist and being in therapy herself.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Marisa G. Franco

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: Friendship, loneliness and belonging, and how adults make and keep close friends.
- Credential: Licensed counseling psychologist; PhD in Counseling Psychology, University of Maryland, where she teaches (https://universityhonors.umd.edu/marisa-franco)
- Profiles: Instagram @drmarisagfranco (https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/)
- Video: [4 Minutes to Better Friendships](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3SXxnMpxJE): Short explainer on the science of making and keeping friends and taking the long view of friendship.
- Video: [Breaking Down Attachment Patterns in Friendships with Dr. Marisa Franco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKRJmApqr4g): Conversation on how attachment patterns show up in adult friendships, from her book Platonic.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Mark Groves

- Label: Trending voice
- Focus: Relationship educator and podcast host who talks about codependent patterns, honesty, and building healthier connections.
- Profiles: Instagram @createthelove (https://www.instagram.com/createthelove/); TikTok @createthelove (https://www.tiktok.com/@createthelove)
- Video: [What is codependency in relationships? with Mark Groves](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvNcWjJrWk8): Conversation explaining codependency in relationships and how to spot it.
- Video: [Mark Groves on Break-Ups, Boundaries, & Love Lessons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIs8z2Cg0jU): Interview on breakups, boundaries and what relationships teach.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Matthew Hussey

- Label: Trending voice
- Focus: Dating and love life advice on raising your standards, confidence, and finding a partner, through his podcast, books and videos.
- Profiles: Instagram @thematthewhussey (https://www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey/); TikTok @thematthewhussey (https://www.tiktok.com/@thematthewhussey)
- Video: [Matthew Hussey: "There is no such thing as right person, wrong time!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIFYrV3yivQ): Interview with the dating coach on timing, mixed signals and the idea of the right person at the wrong time.
- Video: [When You Both Feel Something But No One Says It](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9XRUodYASM): Video on mutual attraction that goes unspoken and how to say something.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Nedra Glover Tawwab

- Label: Credentialed source, Trending voice
- Focus: Boundaries in relationships, family and friendship, and how to say what you need.
- Credential: Licensed therapist; founder of Kaleidoscope Counseling (https://www.hachette.co.uk/contributor/nedra-glover-tawwab/)
- Profiles: Instagram @nedratawwab (https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/); TikTok @nedratawwab (https://www.tiktok.com/@nedratawwab)
- Video: [Nedra Glover Tawwab on How to Set Healthy Boundaries, Find Peace & Embrace Imperfection](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eM73ETJSj0): Interview on setting healthy boundaries and becoming the person you want to be.
- Video: [Boundaries, Dependency, and Healthier Relationships with Nedra Tawwab](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzyrWaU4VuU): Conversation about staying connected to friends, partners and family, and the difference between healthy boundaries and emotional disconnection.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Pepper Schwartz

- Label: Credentialed source
- Focus: Research and writing on love, sex and relationships, including dating and partnership later in life.
- Credential: Sociologist (PhD, Yale); Professor Emerita of Sociology, University of Washington (https://soc.washington.edu/people/pepper-schwartz)
- Profiles: Instagram @dr_pepper_schwartz (https://www.instagram.com/dr_pepper_schwartz/)
- Video: [Love and Dating After 50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5mj3f8-874): Conversation between a documentary director and Schwartz, AARP's sex and relationships expert, about love and dating after 50.
- Video: [Get Your Mom Dating Again: Mondays with Marlo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1q2eLktIV4): Segment on returning to dating after many years of marriage.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Ramani Durvasula

- Label: Credentialed source, Trending voice
- Focus: Narcissistic and high conflict relationships, and recovering after leaving one.
- Credential: Licensed clinical psychologist; Professor Emerita of Psychology, California State University, Los Angeles (https://doctor-ramani.com/about/)
- Profiles: Instagram @doctorramani (https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/); TikTok @doctorramani (https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani)
- Video: [It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGEVfpp0gIg): Talk on her book It's Not You: how to spot narcissistic people and recover after a relationship with one.
- Video: [The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse and How to Heal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHssxYPCkKY): Interview on the effects of narcissistic abuse and what helps people heal afterward.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

### Sabrina Zohar

- Label: Trending voice
- Focus: Dating and relationship coach and podcast host who talks about anxious attachment, self-worth, and breaking repeating relationship patterns.
- Profiles: Instagram @sabrina.zohar (https://www.instagram.com/sabrina.zohar/); TikTok @sabrina.zohar (https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrina.zohar)
- Video: [What Does It Mean To "Do The Work?"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SncPRiccw-4): Solo episode on how therapy language can be used to dodge accountability, and what real accountability looks like.
- Video: [How to Level Up Your Dating Game and Go from Toxic to Healthy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kvTMt3Oq0c): Episode on her own move from repeatedly choosing toxic relationships to healthier ones.
- Last checked: profiles 2026-10-01, videos 2026-10-09

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